inhale.. exhale..

its a different day today. i woke up this morning having some difficulty breathing. i don't know if it was caused by the awkward position during my sleep. i thought it will be gone after a few hours, but until now, it made me feel uneasy and weak. yung feeling na akala mo ay nagkaroon ka ng break up sa bf/gf mo. i can feel my chest contracts too much whenever i exhale.

here in my work, i cant continue my workload for the day since, im preoccupied to concentrate on my breathing. aw, it feels like im ready to die anytime.

anyway, this day was indeed different. i need to rest and forget this feeling.

sad lines

ala Neruda ... whack!

i write tonight, behind the moon, there are stars in the sleeping sky.
i look up and stare to the shivering stars singing along with the night like whispers in the wind.

tonight i write the lines, i miss the time i spend alone staring at stars like your eyes.
i hear tears fall as whispers in the melody.
through nights like this i felt her in my arms
i memorized and memorized the light of her smile

i write the lines, i loved her. she sometimes loved me too.
to know that i do not have her, to feel that soon it will be over.
though miles away, i can see her through.
my heartbeat duets with the stars i watch, i stare.

i write the lines, she loved me sometimes and i loved her.
boundless is the night and endless is the song.
we can be together in dreams.
ending the music on a slowly fade like stars.

i saw the star you picked to represent us.
same stars above the night wind burst.
my eyes escape in the dream without her.
she is not with me though my heart is touching her.

i stare at the night without her
the night that we are not the same.

i no longer loved her, but i know how much.
i can write the saddest lines of tonight though my tears is just starting.
because night with stars like this i held her dear
forgetting is too long to bear.

"Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her."

no sugar

hmm, i've become a pretender these past couple of weeks, i know i still need a heart transplant and a kidney donor to make it three. i hope it will make me more bato (harder) and newer for the days to come. i miss my bed more often now, although i prefer to sleep on my banig. i become lazy too. hmm, i sounded like im confident for my slow life here. anyway, before my random thought stops whistling random expression, i shall type as fast as i can to catch it up. i remember from one of the seminars i attended about being an executive, before you made a speech or do a presentation or write a letter, you should condition yourself, begin to imagine yourself inside the situation and write how ideas .. thoughts come in front of your senses. then make your first draft, edit it then edit it again for the final output. i remember all you can also have a friend edit it for you. aw!

but i will not do that here. this place lets me express on my own little ways how random my weak side is that is thoughts. yeh, personal thoughts.

ahh, this time i made a title first before going for its content. now, staring at the topic i made is like putting a gun on my head, but im assured that it has no bullet, hehe. going back from the topic, i first intended to post that i will refrain from going too deep discussing about my blood pressure and my heart problems. i will stay away from putting more bandages on my stitches and burns i had anymore, i pray. aside from this reason (usually unacceptable), this is the song that plays in the background this cold sunday morning...

no sugar! .. you are my candy girl and you got me wanting you..