IRONIC?

Isang kabalintunaan masasabi ang mga nagsisisigaw at mga mangangantiyaw kay BBM sa nakaraang ‪#‎PilipinasDebates2016‬.

Hindi natin masisisi ang mga hinaing nila sa mga nangyaring paglabag sa karapatang pantao noon ngunit sa paraan na kanilang ginawa, tila nilalabag din nila ang karapatan ng isang indibiduwal na kanilang sinisigawan. Di ba't ang isang akusado ay may karapatan din na dapat ituring na walang-sala hanggang sa ito ay mapatunayan? Hindi ba't karapatan ng bawat isang akusado na magkaroon ng angkop na proseso ng batas? At kailan pa minamana ng isang anak ang mga kasong laban sa kanyang ama?

Teka, bakit nga pala sila nagsisisigaw ng 'Never Again'? Buhay na ba sila nung panahon ng Batas Militar? Edi, mga kuya at ate ko na pala sila. Hahaha!

Sa katapusan, sa kadahilanang anak siya ng Matandang Marcos o dahil anak siya ni 'Martial Law', kaya hindi nila siya mapusuan. Sana lamang hindi ito ang kanilang ang dahilan. Kasi ang babaw kung ito lamang.

‪#‎BongBongMarcos‬ ‪#‎BBM4VP‬

Bakit ganun?

Ang totoo, pinili ko na naman baguhin ang maliit kong ambisyon para maging dapat sa kanya. Hindi naman iyon madali para sa akin, pero sinisikap ko naman na unti unti magawa ko. Hindi naman kasing bilis ng nagawa niya, pero hinihingi ko lang naman ay konting pang-unawa.

Ang kinatatakot ko baka dumating ang araw na sa sobrang tayog at taas ng narating niya, wala nang halaga ang mga mumunti kong pinagsikapan, na kahit papaano, nagtiyaga ako; na kahit papaano, sumubok ako. Pinilit kong abutin siya.

Hindi pa nga nang-yayari ang mga bagay na iyon, bakit naramdaman ko bigla na konting-konti na lang ang tiwala at pagtitiyaga nya sa akin. Na-realize ko, ang dali ko lang palang takutin at iwanan.

Bakit ganun? Parang walang halaga ang mga nakaraan namin.

What's wrong with being just me?

Being childish is not always being immature. I feel sad to hear from you that Im both childish and immature over the things I like to do in my free time. Fighting loneliness is not an easy thing to do, you know that more than me. Sometimes, when your alone doing nothing, thinking nothing, that's when loneliness strikes and no one can help you because your on your own- all alone.

May I ask you something? Is there comes a time that you want to be with me in my world? Can you sacrifice all the things you used to have, all the things you want to be, just to be with someone you love? Because, I do, Im willing to do it.. because that was the decision, I would need to do before I started loving you. I just hope that what's left with me when that time finaly comes will not be bothering you. I hope you will not try to change it because its not cool.

I just want to keep my child soul in me, because Im sure being an adult sometimes made us cruel and unhappy over the things around us and discontented over the things we already have. I dont want to be like that.

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There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. -Stacey Charter

Sa palagay ko kelangan na nilang magbalik

Teban...laging kulang sa oras.
Lario... laging busy, student life, love life, family, financial!
Teka... puro laro!

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Itong mga buwan na dumating, maraming nangyari sa buhay buhay. Sa ngayon, kasi, parang laging may kulang sa bawat araw na nagdaan. Na ang tanging takbuhan ko na lang upang maiwasan ang dinaramdam ay maglaro, maglaro, magtrabaho, kumain, maglaro, maglaro, maglaro... atbp.

Kaya para maiba naman, dito ko na ipagbubugtong ang nasa loob ng aking dibdib! hehehe!

Nakakainis

ang layo na nga natin sa isa't isa ganyan ka pa. hayz :/

killing myself to sleep

tonight, I never feel incomplete like this before. :(

I never know what will I do to move on from this feeling of loneliness tonight. Sometimes, I really wish you will be at my side, comfort me and let me realize that its just another ordinary day. It's hard to pretend that Im ok, when I know inside of me, there's something missing.

what I wanted was you just have to make me feel I was still a part of your everyday routine, no matter how far we are apart. I know Im beginning to be selfish for us, but I dont understand why I feel so alone lately. I cant put my mind at ease, I feel so bad.

I know I need to conclude this day of my life at the least and I pray tomorrow will be different.

I wish that sometimes you drop a goodnight kiss for me before ending your day. :(

Hello World!

I'll be back here in this sphere!

alone again naturally

I happen to find myself on a bus going to a distant land. When I arrived, I find everything is different around me except for one thing.

Im alone.

Here I am again, decided to walk along the remaining distance used to be another ride by a jeep. Nothing is new. I think, I will just walk off and then all the sadness in my heart will be gone. But that wouldn't work. Im still alone.

I never thought I will be like this again, longing for someone I never thought I will care for. Am I being missed too? Ouch, I said before I will never fall in love again. But then my heart starts beating again. Am I hopeless already?

After I did my business in this far away land, many things came to my mind. But when summarized, I hope it will be me and you in the end.

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I miss being missed dearly. :(

parang may kulang

matagal na rin palang walang bagong post dito. pano ba naman, masyado maraming gustong gawin sa buhay...

hayz. nakakapagod ang isang araw kapag pakiramdam mo may kulang. dumaan ang maghapon, nagawa ang dapat gawin para mabuhay,.. kumain, matulog, tumulong sa bahay, tumambay, etc., pero may kulang.

nakakainis isipin, kung minsan may kasama ka pero hindi mo alam kung kasama ka nga nya.
kung minsan nakakalunos isipin na wala kang magagawang anuman sa isang bagay na tila nakatakda na sa hinaharap. ngunit mapangyayaring maiba kung may makakasama ka.

sana makilala mo ako bilang isang kasama mo.

You dont realize how much...

I need you.

I dont really know why Im feeling so afraid and so weak this day. Its like wanting to see into the wind and feeling its teeth. :(

I saw birds fly and glide with the wind this morning, I found it enchanting though incomplete. As when strong winds came, they scattered.

I hope if we fly and turn against the air, you are with me even if its means landing backwards.

because I realize how much...

I need you.

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Im going to find my girl, gonna hold her tight.
I will make it right, just need her say alright.
I will ring bells so to make us remember
That Im her boy and she's my girl.

Why laughing

I dont know what to post here, I find it difficult for me to express what I feel or say my views in life nowadays.

I guess, being an ordinary guy these days is difficult. Trying to be normal, pretending to be something. I remember someone asked me if I ever got tired of starting my life over and over again. I was stunned after I heard it.

Honestly, I almost quit when I found myself making small steps again from a big fallback. Then, I ruined what I started. And then, I realized that Im back from where I started. Sigh.

I think, all my collegues laugh the first time they found out I have a blog like this; my emo moments. Love is my topic that's what they can conclude. I find it hard to agree.

Now Im just an ordinary guy looking for and dreaming for a place where I can relax, stay and forget where I came from.

My own personal brand of heroin

I arrived late as usual, but unlike in the past, I exerted effort not to be late. but then like in the past, sigh, time was always not with me. It always runs faster than normal, sprints harder than usual. sigh again.

And so we met secretly as it may seem but without doubt or worry that someone will find us. Ofcourse, we prepared escape routes and memorized lines in case others, be it he or she, caught us sharing time together. mmmmm. At least for me.

I found her trying a dress that's something new or maybe new in my eyes, she looked gorgeous when she tried it on, I can only smile because when I arrived at the scene I felt the saleslady on her side did a full antivirus scan on me. Is it a safe application? Is it malware or trojan? waaaa. I can only smile. And I like to answer, yes im safe (with a stiff tagalog tone) noh, and Im a compiler. So leave before I issue a critical error message, noh. hehehe.

As planned we go out to watch fireworks display. I think I only had few wows and awes when we are watching it. I admit I also watched her react to the booms and bangs. peace tayo. I never imagine I will be with her at this moment of my masochistic life. Its like a drug to me. Its like my own personal brand of heroin. naks. syempre katulad ng ibang nobela, kailangan mabanggit ang pamagat.

Then we bought movie tickets, shopped to the max (as in...) and stopped at wendy's to take out food we will devour, hahaha, at the cinema. The order line was lightyears long and almost took the joy away from us. Glad thing, we both infect each other smiles that made the long wait... well, shorter at the least.

So, hours passed and poof! I find myself conscious again. The movie was good and funny at times. Found some quotable lines appropriate for the night, for me and for both of us... yeah! its the vampire premise, muhahaha! "No, not the moats!", and also.. "oh, you do smell good." and "what if.. Im the bad guy."

Finally, we walked together and chat. and I can only smile. :)

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I felt the need to open my heart and let her know me, how critical Iam and how terminal my disease was. So that she can give the proper treatment for my broken heart.

no sugar

hmm, i've become a pretender these past couple of weeks, i know i still need a heart transplant and a kidney donor to make it three. i hope it will make me more bato (harder) and newer for the days to come. i miss my bed more often now, although i prefer to sleep on my banig. i become lazy too. hmm, i sounded like im confident for my slow life here. anyway, before my random thought stops whistling random expression, i shall type as fast as i can to catch it up. i remember from one of the seminars i attended about being an executive, before you made a speech or do a presentation or write a letter, you should condition yourself, begin to imagine yourself inside the situation and write how ideas .. thoughts come in front of your senses. then make your first draft, edit it then edit it again for the final output. i remember all you can also have a friend edit it for you. aw!

but i will not do that here. this place lets me express on my own little ways how random my weak side is that is thoughts. yeh, personal thoughts.

ahh, this time i made a title first before going for its content. now, staring at the topic i made is like putting a gun on my head, but im assured that it has no bullet, hehe. going back from the topic, i first intended to post that i will refrain from going too deep discussing about my blood pressure and my heart problems. i will stay away from putting more bandages on my stitches and burns i had anymore, i pray. aside from this reason (usually unacceptable), this is the song that plays in the background this cold sunday morning...

no sugar! .. you are my candy girl and you got me wanting you..

just give me one more chance to make it right

i felt lost and incomplete. three vacant days passed and all i did is sit on a couch watching vcds that i rented. i felt time is against me, that i cant find a way to speed it up or skip every tick i was about to spend this weekend.

though, there is one movie i like to remember before i retire today. its about the spirit of a girl who is trying to find his past. ahh, i cant write a good synopsis so here is the title of the movie 'just like heaven'. the movie is romantic and opposes my general feeling this month, lol. anyway, it changed my mood. the story is romantic and comedic enough to inspire me to be a little less moody. again again. the story is romantic and comedic... enough.

before i retire, i received a goodnight sign... that i will see a bright c and u tomorrow. :)

what's forever for

it was a moonless night when i walk home from the reddish land of pines. back in the past when i promised myself to return at this very spot, i saw myself knowing that you will one day return to me, believing i will wait for you. this very moment, i saw myself again believing you will glimpse outside to shed some light for our love.

looking back over the years, even though reasonable things forced you to find someone better, i believe that was not how we part. following events tried to give me painful good-bye right then, all my tears faded. was the world as dazzling before i met you? all im left with were tears. now, it reminds me again of the past. i will save this place next to me.

as i walk away, from your place... i can't help but to cry. i wished its not yet over. this is not how we part.

you are the only reason...
that waiting gives me enough happiness.

forgive me...
or maybe its me that's gone crazy.

love is the only reason... as days pass by,
if you forget the long way back to me, i'll be waiting silently.

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so what's the glory in living
doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore
and if love never last forever
tell me, what's forever for