Looking back over...

its been a while since i find time to post something here. made myself busy this last quarter of the year, just to divert my mind to something else. sometimes, i just like to forget what needs to be done.

waaa! this year, many things have changed, from my life at home and work. and because of that, i forgot everything. waaa!

anyway, it is pointless to look back if we only regret the things that never happen, it is hazardous and useful, however, if we derive lessons from our past errors, right? looking back for the purpose of remembering shadows of our past life is worthless if we dont see the light that made the shadows of what we are right now. (ako ba 'to?)

anyway, someone from a far away place made a comment that my blog is something inquisitive. my reactions? "what do you mean!" waaa! i dont know exactly what the word inquisitive mean, unless i grab a dictionary immediately. hehe!

anyway (again), as i look back to what happen deep in my heart and my mind, i still picture myself alone still not finish waving good byebyes. imagine a man leaving a place and waving goodbyes as he gain distance from you, but before he left he made a note..."see me in your horizon, as i see you in mine."

Salute to the 23rd SEA Games Philippine Team

The most vivid memory of the 23rd Southeast games?

For a nation that badly needs a respite from a tumultuous political life, its probably that time in the last fortnight when Filipinos, setting aside differences and political beliefs, gathered as one in a show of unity and teamwork to show the world what it is capable of doing.

-- the 23rd SEA Games Website

Congrats sa mga Pinoy Athlete. syempre, proud to be...
saka kasi, dati rin akong athlete... sa pangarap nga lang. hehe.

(last night) i didnt get to sleep at all

i didnt know why i cant sleep every night, now that i have no projects due this month.
sigh, now that i have all the time to get some break in my busy (kuno!) days,but i cant sleep, really.

its worse than my insomnia, this emotional mind of mine.

---

it seems that you have to face what lies ahead, no matter how difficult or how harse it can be. you see, i was just trying to make myself different from the past. and still everytime i looked back... i saw my ghost pursuing me.

---

do you have dreams that let you correct your past? can you make people believe in you when all you are saying are lies?

---

i woke up this morning, can't remember what really happened on my last night's dream.

---

and it's freaky, i remember it now... because it is happening already... right now.

my first graveyard shift... hehe!

im against to any night shift work, though im a parttime insomniac, hehe. anyway, im a little excited to try it. so, this day was my first experience.

i was eager to try, since that majority of my officemate will go overnight in our busy unit. that's not the only reason, also, there will be an incentive of having free dinner and free breakfast and... free absent! hehe. dont know the exact term,e.

besides, i will not be too busy than my other mates, here. and one primary reason why our unit will go night-night is... the congress budget hearing.
yup, on my observation, our SPU.. practice this tradition every year, hehe. i dont know why, and this time, im somewhat lucky to experience it.

the good thing here is that i will not program anything or rather i will not use my brain a lot for my assigned task.

my primary concern was on the field of printing and tech support or sometimes a joker without a joke.
huhu, i print and print... and print and.... print reports. doing this task, force me to love our kyocera and hp printers. it was good luck that these printers respected me already... that they hardly produce unexpected errors.

so, my first night shift was a little easy because, i had an oppurtunity to go online. hehe, though.. i fell asleep around 3am, because i saw my boss closed her office door, a strong fact that she will go signing off. and also, because, i happened to visit all the websites i used to visit.

a day to remember

for me and for some people living on earth today, that this is the day when our Lord Jesus Christ was born. strange? weird? no-no.. spiritual. =)

well, everybody on earth know that Christmas day was December 25, but everybody including the Church knew that Dec25 is not the actual day when Christ was born.

October 3, was a day to remember.. i tell you this, cannot prove it to those who will not believe, but i have my own. anyway, i still celebrate Dec25 as Christmas day, but i observed October 3 also. (for some spiritual reasons)

The Cave

i watched this movie with doanne and never got any good lines to remember. i dont know, maybe because the movie is too wierd to be true and too bad to be sci-fi. its one of a kind where movie pirates will get hard time making clear copies for their business. the only, scenes where you can appreciate sunlight was the last part.

Wind Walk

i go out and talked with the night.
as we walked along the sleepy street
i saw something moved,

just like the wind.

we continue our journey towards a place, im not sure.
but then,
something touched my smile, that made my bones tremble like never before.
it really took something out of me and i couldnt help but...

now, the night already left me. im lost.

then, i realized i was in a place where only eyes can reach.
now i know why you have to believe to things unseen,
that if you dont believe, your eyes will seek the night.

and you would realize its too late to wake up.

i looked back to the things i have done and
never noticed something moved just like me.

Before i sign out today

i just want to say that i got myself into some trouble.

trouble of getting a deal done and having to beat a deadline...

Utopia

im playing this MMORPG for almost a year now. i enjoy this game even though almost all my friends like Ragnarok, Pristontale, GunBound etc.

utopia is a browser based game which only elite people (NAKS!) will enjoy how it works. it happened that this Age of War in Utopia, i was elected as the monarch of a kingdom. it was the most challenging part of playing that kind of game. It is the equivalent of being the guildmaster in Ragnarok.

utopia made me a little confident on my english vocabulary. a kingdom there usually composed of provinces governed by different nationalities of the world. it is a nice game that will make you a friendly, diplomatic, strategist and competitive. racial discrimination has no place in this game. that's one good point. i was so glad that people from my kingdom who happen to be in some other parts of the world, elected me in this important position. i happened to be the only pinoy in that kingdom. Hehe.. isipin nyo nagtiwala sa isang mahirap pagkatiwalaang tao!!!

if you need some help about this game... just click the image above, that's my way of saying thank you to the game. =>

Freelancing

in my freelancing world, i never thought that i would be ask to say what price will i want just to switch to their company, i mean to their side and work full time. huh, i was shocked at this, when i received a text about that job oppurtunity. and it was my first time be interviewed like that, i mean with that kind of question. "name your price." aside from english construction that could drain my brain, my english was really challenged when i got to meet my latest client, a foreigner.

as you know or may not know, i was a programmer working in a govt office. i was in dire need to get too busy especially weeknights and weekends. so, i was a freelancer in those times. i never thought that my search for additional income will come to a point where i consider leaving my current job. the meeting was sunday, it was yesterday, i went to my client's house (naks, client daw,o!), together with a friend of mine who referred me. there, i was presented with loads of programming work, they really need a full time ASP programmer. "i want to try their stuff but, just as a freelancer will do -get a deal, i code, you pay, then next deal." its just that my tongue will twist whenever i try to speak.

but to get a deal or not will not be a big deal for me, there's plenty of them, naman. (hehe, yabang noh?) edi balik sa freelancing life.

you! i can make your business web enabled and automated. just email me.

Sigh

Gusto ko pumunta sa lugar kung saan walang nakakakilala sa akin,

Tapos magsisimula ako muli.

Three Brothers Message

This is an appeal to someone who can be called AngelEyes.

from: Teban

i dont want to really hurt you. i really miss you but i cant be with you right now or maybe in any years time. i left all my hopes about you to God. ayokong maniwala sa mga sinasabi mong di naman dapat, di na dapat ganon. sana, maging masaya ka kung ano man ang meron ka. di na natin hawak ang mangyayari sa hinaharap. =/

from: Teka!

your comment really hurt me. please stop posting comment or rather stop reading this blog, if you will only just say things very very personal. wholesome naman sana ito. this is just a blog, a blogging comment is only needed. this is my blog, make your own and do whatever it suffice you, free naman ito noh? wag mo sanang piliting makalimutan ko ang hindi naman dapat makalimutan!

from: Lario

i will still be here. after you're gone, things change a lot. at first, i miss everything between us. i became useless. at lahat ng mga bad ending parang nangyari na yata. then, i learned my friends were still there ready to help, kahit na iniwan ko sila sa ere, dahil sa iyo. di mo nauunawaan kung ano ang difference ng friends sa loveone. hanggang ngayon naman, wala ka atang pinaniwalaan. dont know what you're trying to drive at when we got a chat in YM telling me you're missing me? tapos, i read an anonymous comment here sucking me up, and branding me xxxx. i know its you, i have visitor logs in those time of day. you can say anything all you want, but not here. im just blogging. ako pa rin ito... at eto pa rin ako.

It isn't who you are on the inside, It is what you do that defines you.

this line was from the latest batman movie, and it really caught my senses. it was when Rachel (Batman's love interest) met Bruce Wayne for the first time after seven years. then Bruce in that situation said, "Rachel, uh, this, this isnt what i am on the inside." I know why Bruce tells this, but Rachel does not. "It isn’t who you are on the inside," Rachel tells Bruce, "it is what you do that defines you."

reflecting with those lines will get you in a scene where you have more than one identity, which is true, dont you think?

like me, i cut myself into wierd identities each with their own uniqueness, but it is what i do that reveals the true me, no matter how kind and gentle stephen will be or how wierd tequila sounds to a drunk ear.

We have nothing to fear... but FEAR itself

Batman Begins is not just another film about the dark knight in a gothic realm. this is a tale that teaches us how to face your fear (at least) and use it as your strength. if i will summarize the film in one word, it is FEAR. before anything else, batman was my favorite superhero, toppling SuperMan, SpiderMan or KahitsinokaMan. =P

the film was too good as it tells us how Bruce Wayne became Batman, how he got his suit, "his toys," his attitude, and his stealthness (what i really like most). Everything is explained here.

my Greatest Fear?
hmm, to see the unseen.
why?
i dont want to just hear something move or just feel you are not alone in supposedly lonely place. just like the criminals in the latest batman film, fearing something that you dont see.
it can really make you something different.

I know we have nothing to fear (here on earth, at least), its just that we have to avoid fear to conquer are hearts. It can kill one's courage once fear exist, you know.

im not an actor, im not a star

i watched Batman Begins in GreenBelt with a friend,
and it was my first time to hang-up there.
being there was sort of a different feeling,
its the feeling that will make me sick.
hehe, it makes me feel a little inferior to everyone out there,
but tolerable as it seems to be.
"buti na lang,
meron akong culture shock absorber na kasama. hehe"
her name was "______". =P
ooops, my apologies...
but that blank line would not exist unless i left clues.
but being there, would force me to advice this,
its for someone out there who is a little like me. just
dont expect something from someone
or smile to everyone
and win a friend or two
neither make promises
nor tell truths
"ewan ko ba, basta maging normal ka.
oi, syempre nag-enjoy ako doon
lalo na't may kasama ka, hehe"
tapos maisip mo pang
napuntahan mo na yung lugar sa panaginip,
cool di ba?

Jeepney

this morning, i met a girl, just my type. well, i only saw her, dont know exactly about her or her name. but its been a month since i first saw her.

• the first scenery

last month, as i was, sometimes, late going to work, i saw a girl in type c uniform. i thought, it was type c as she was wearing white blouse, that is more like a t-shirt, and maong pants.

it was not the ray of sunlight that gives vitamin to our skin, it was her hair that made me glance at her. it was straight and silky just like in a commercial. the fact that her face complements with her eyes is another thing that made me a culprit guilty of attempting to melt an iceberg.
i saw her entering the terminal as my jeep escaped the crime scene. sigh!

• the best deserves second chances

last midsummer's morning, i woke up early and realized that it was a great time doing my new year's resolution - not to be late!

i did wake up early but ended up staring at the ceiling longer. my morning routine is always easy to remember and quick to accomplice, starting with a coffee that was used to just color the morning cup, and ending up brushing my teeth as i stare at our 30min-advance wall clock. whew! the sun is always mean to me, he sets early and rises late. it always ruin my day.
morning was the shortest time of the day, i think.

• anything that happens twice, will surely happen for the third time.

this morning, the sun was a little nicer to me. just like in the commercial, one good day coming up! but i guessed, the sun was too early for his usual 'late' time.

in the terminal, i saw the iceberg again. this time she wore a modified type c uniform, a printed white blouse and faded maong pants. luck was with me as the crowd overloaded the last jeepney to leave.

they all left, i wished, and only the two of us will remain. well, i was an ideal shy guy everytime that situation comes. and i found myself staring up in the morning sky. and then suddenly, i feel her eyes touch my presence that instant. i just wished the oil prices explode at that moment that no jeep will ever came in.
she was more brighter today than the last time i saw her. and then i noticed she move away from me, even if we were two spread-arms apart already... i wonder why? is it because of me?
whew! a jeep from nowhere just came and sigh! atleast she saw me!

she sat on the other side of the seat, where i can see her. oohhh! and looking at her, made me think i have to be early every morning. today was extraordinary.
and i will not ask for more about knowing her.

i am happy that i saw her twice, and our eyes crossed thrice.

Everything in Life is an Omen

sigh! last week, three things happened that change significantly the way i sleep. well, i still have difficulty to fall asleep each night, but that three things make me either sleep deep or sleep earlier. huh?

i know i was a member of insomniac partylist, and still i am. hehe.

here it goes... first, i won a friend, hopefully. second, i received a text message from a long lost special friend, long lost?!? third, i missed a call. and if you happen to add all their first names, jumble the letters and eliminate duplicate letters, you will get "readknow".
am i artful? este maarte? ahehe.

well, i do believe that everything that happens to your life is an omen, why? because all those events will coincide to your present and will let you remember the past as a reason why you are like the present. meaning, everything that can affect your life, bad thing or good, will sum up to your past. omen is not just a sign. you cannot predict what will happen next even if you can identify omens. but it will help you decide when in doubt.

but i believe that recognizing omen will help you know yourself. naks! omen is not just a sign, sometimes it takes the form of a friend, like mine, and sometimes it is formless as LOVE or ANGER. you can talk with them like talking to your parents, and listen to them like your heart, your mind, and even fear them like death. hmm...

i know God sometimes communicate to us through omens.

well, i do hope that getting to know omen will make me sleep a little more deeper and a little earlier.
bene, i wished that i get to know more about my latest friend, a little pikon and a little cool. i wished that i received another text from my long lost friend and treat me to a japanese restaurant and share some things about being nostalgic. and third, i also wished that i never ever missed a person, este, a call. =P

Reality Anime

You know Sakuragi of Slamdunk? well, this is for you... Sakuragi and Coach Ansai. E N J O Y !!!

The Alchemist

today is my father's birthday. he just came back from a vacation in Sabtang Batanes, you know that island? it is really a beatiful place even though i have been there only in dreams, i think i know something than you.

anyway, i just thought of the latest book i have read. And remember my father back from my childhood days, where he used to be quiet and calm teaching us. yes, he taught us something that will make us different from others without uttering any word.

it was just like, we learned how to contemplate with what we have. telling us the philosopher's stone was not impossible, that it can make our dreams to reality. elixir of life?... hmm... that's the one i wished for my father. i wished him to be happy for the remaining years of his life. making me a living legacy of the real alchemist in our line.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY po!

One Normal Saturday

my brother and i went to VideoCity to look for some good vcd's, for we had nothing to do to make our mind busy. as i was browsing in the cd rack, one movie got my attention. it was titled "One Missed Call", i dont know why it got my eyes fix on it. reading the movie info, it was one suspense-mystery-horror thing. right from the cover, you will know that it was a japanese movie, like the "Ring" movies, where hairs was used to frightened the viewer.

my brother got "I,Robot". he watched it already but he was recommending it for the family. "I, Robot", was a nice movie. i'll gonna make a reflection for that movie in the following days.

well, "One Missed Call" was about the mystery of receiving strange voicemail from your celfone, where, in it, was the last words you will utter here on earth right before your death. that's not all, in the message log of the voicemail was the time and date you will die. So, the movie revolved just like solving the Sadako mystery. The plot thickens as the characters in the movie recieved their own death warning. hehe, its not that scary for me, but its hairy...

i like the ending song of the movie, i mean the message in the song.

it was like there is two different worlds for us and the unseen beings, but there is one sky they can see, like there is space between two lovers but one love. and that space makes these lovers look through the sky as if it was their sign of hope. Sayonara! Sayonara! as the song repeatedly says.

What file extension are you?

aha! i like to be a text file, as simple as a string of characters... nothing to worry about styles, formats and designs. just a plain text file.

primitive as it sounds. like...

untitled.txt

there was a time that i just thought i would lose my mind

something was wrong that needs a little change, i realized i was too lazy and rather too careless to keep important dates. something was wrong about me these past days, AGAIN. dont know how to shift my problems into some sort of a joke. even if my only problem was living like good old days. i wish i can go back in the past and change... the way i look tonight, how i smile, how i laugh and how i see others.

can you define what's love?
well, you cant say how sweet is to love if you didn't know how to be hurt because of love. but you can say what is love if you really know how to sacrifice.
the deeper meaning of love always comes from someone who experienced being loved and then get hurt eventually.

and that was the time i thought i would lose my mind.

My old friend

kamusta na aking kaibigan
nandito na naman ako para magsalita
dahil ang tanda ay marahang gumagapang
at nag-iiwan ng binhi sa aking gunita

at ang tanda na nasa aking pagtulog
nanatili sa mahinang tunog.

sa aking hindi pagtulog
mag-isa akong naglalakad
sa isang daan na saya ay busog
at sa mga ilaw at poste ay may tatak

lamig at lungkot.
na himihipo sa aking pagtulog

....
(to be continued... ala na kong pambayad ng rent... hehe)

Somebody's Watching Me

today, somebody out there is mad at me... and what can i do to be nice for that person, if that person is mad at me and now treating me as a fool? Sigh, keeps whispering be true, and you think saying SORRY was easy?!!! OMG!!! dont tell me your ok.

"Wag magpagpag ng muta ng iba kung kagigising mo lamang...
baka may muta ka rin. baka lang!"

blog lang ito... nvm

The Horizon

I never know what to type here today, my idea was just to express my feeling through poems, ofcourse in filipino. But I dont have enough time to write poems, as I have so many things that was stocked in my mind. I was hopeless as of now, as I came up with a decision that make me look back hundreds times from the past. Well, that past was just days ago, as I cant imagine how worst I was and how stupid I was.
I was lonely again but in a natural way. I chose to face my future alone, without anything to worry about who and what I will left. My life was just like climbing a watch tower, as I take each step higher, the farther I saw the horizon. So I find a reason to change myself, and now, I will not climbed anymore. Instead I will be the one who will be seen in the horizon when somebody climbs up in the tower. And as I run towards the endless path, they will have to climb up a little higher to make them realize I already reached the horizon. Funny and wierd? Well, yes. I dont have good english but I think I painted myself against your brainy walls in an abstract way, hehehe.
I never know what to say to "a girl from the painted wall." I just hope that she will be fine. Just want to say, "I'm sorry" for my selfish decision that hurt her.

I like to be alone running away towards my favorite word- "THE HORIZON."

Hope I can be there!!! =/

The Day It Was

back at the purple days of college, i was renting a computer at the purpol.com computer shop. i played NBA 2005 against my brother four times, and four times, i lost.
i was with jeana after watching a movie "HITCH", and agreed to go online. On the way, we met an unusual couple...

yes, they were ruzzhel and jeff... and wow, i never expected that we would meet them. And as old friends, we were like close friends as we had a Q&A session. (ano larry?!?)
then, we parted at the SM, then, after a couple of hours, we met them again (again? yes!), this time at purpol. I dont know why I was telling this, but for the sake of having a post this week, I put this. (hehe!)

This day was a not-so-special happy day. Why? Dont know! but one thing is for sure...

Different man have different happy days of his life, but there can always be two life that have the same happy days.

i believe i can be a man from the future who meets his girl in the past.

how do you like it?

My Sassy Girl scene

One of my favorite scene in the movie, "My Sassy Girl".

When is a girl the prettiest?

When is a girl the prettiest? Well, i watched a korean movie "My Sassy Girl", and after seeing it two times, i had a crush on the girl, i liked the story. It was a romantic comedy and you can learn some lesson about how to deal with love. Although, you have to read the translation to understand the story, i liked the lines when the leading lady asked about "When is a girl the prettiest?"
It something that you can reflect more about the person who will answer that kind question...

When can you tell that a person you are with loves you?

for me, its a personal preference, its the way you look at her. everytime you sees her, you will feel something that she is the prettiest. yes, that's the way it is, tell me, im wrong, if you did not see how pretty your girl is you dont have something for her. A girl is prettiest if you thought that in everyday that was created, she shares with you all the seconds, minutes and hours, of her day. It's not the way she looks, she wears her groove, she carries herself, but the way how pretty a girl in your eyes.

Ahh!

Leorio

Small changes in my life...

today, nothing much more happen to my extraordinary life, but its one big event that i cannot imagine... my fingers are crossed and i wish time will stop.

what the heck, its so hard to write in english, wish all the people to speak one language... and in my dreams... it happened.

do you know, what they speak? -sana pag-ibig na lang ang isipin ng bawat isa sa mundo...-

yes, they speak that crazy little thing called LOVE...

i think she already leaving cause her hands was on the door...
but i thought this place was an empire... umm?!? sounds family?
i think she's so mean, but i think she's scared because of what im thinking stupid.

but, if she will be gone, i'll know this will be another changes in my life i am dealing...
but there is something in me... that others think they are wrong...

getch() nyo na ba? ala lang magawa... that's how my mind is thinking in this very moment...
im very very happy today!!!

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